How do you bring playfulness into the bedroom—especially if your sex life has started to feel serious, routine, or even nonexistent?

Playfulness is one of the fastest ways to bring desire back online.

Many couples fall into patterns over time. Intimacy becomes predictable or disappears altogether. And what’s often missing isn’t technique, it’s play.

In this episode of Sex Worth Having, I sit down with Eros and Trisha, founders of LitUp, to explore how playfulness, safety, and curiosity can transform intimacy in long-term relationships.

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t even know what we would do…”—this episode is your starting point.

Why does sex start to feel routine in long-term relationships?

Over time, most couples fall into familiar patterns. Intimacy becomes goal-oriented, predictable, and often focused primarily on intercourse.

As Eros shares, many people have been taught—directly or indirectly—that intimacy simply means sex. But that narrow definition leaves out an entire world of connection, sensation, and exploration.

When there is no variety, things become predictable… and desire often fades.

Why playfulness is the missing ingredient in intimacy

Playfulness creates space.

It shifts intimacy from performance into exploration, from pressure into curiosity, and from routine into discovery.

Instead of asking, “What should I do next?”
you begin asking, “What could we explore together?”

Playfulness brings back lightness, spontaneity, and emotional connection. And most importantly, it makes intimacy feel alive again.

What is the relationship between safety and pleasure? 

One of the most powerful insights from this interview is this:

Safety is what allows playfulness to exist.

Without safety, a woman’s body stays guarded, the mind stays active, and the ability to relax into desire is limited.

With safety, your partner’s nervous system softens. A wider range of emotions can be felt and expressed, and her body becomes more receptive to touch and sensation.

As Trisha shares, safety isn’t boring—it’s the foundation for everything that follows.

What does intimacy actually mean? 

In mainstream culture, intimacy is often reduced to intercourse.

But real intimacy includes:

• touch

• presence

• emotional connection

• shared experience

When couples expand their definition of intimacy, something shifts. There is no longer pressure to “get somewhere” (orgasm).  Instead, intimacy becomes a space to experience something together.

Why does slowing down improve intimacy for both partners?

One of the simplest and most powerful shifts to increase pleasure is this:

Go slower than you think you should.

Slowing down allows your partner to move her attention from her head, back into her body.  Slowing down helps you to relax your performance pressure and for both of you to feel more sensation. As Eros and Trisha describe, even small changes in pace can completely transform how touch is experienced.

Slowness isn’t less exciting.

It’s what makes deeper pleasure possible.

How to start bringing playfulness into the bedroom

If you’re thinking, “This sounds great, but I don’t know what to do…”—you’re not alone.

Start simple.

Playfulness can begin with:

• tracing your fingers along your partner’s skin

• asking, “How does that feel?”

• trying something new—even if it feels unfamiliar

You don’t need hours and you don’t need to be an expert. You just need a willingness to explore.

How long do you need for intimacy? 

Many couples believe intimacy requires a large block of time.

But even five minutes of intentional connection can shift your relationship.

A simple moment—holding your partner, making eye contact, and taking a few slow breaths together—can regulate your nervous system and create a new baseline of connection. 

And often… once you begin, you won’t want to stop.

What to say during intimate moments

One of the simplest ways to improve connection is communication.

Try phrases like:

• “How does that feel?”

• “What would make this even better?”

• “Tell me what you like”

You don’t need perfect words. You just need openness and curiosity.

Communication becomes lubrication.

What if it feels awkward or silly?

It probably will and that’s not a problem. 

Playfulness often begins with awkwardness. Trying something new, laughing about it, and not taking yourself too seriously are all part of the process.

As Trisha shares, even “messing it up” can become part of the connection. Those moments often turn into inside jokes that only the two of you share—creating deeper bonding over time.

Why can laughter be an aphrodisiac?

It relaxes the body, reduces tension you may not even realize you’re holding, and creates emotional closeness.

When you laugh together, your body shifts into a state where connection and desire can happen again.

Chemically, laughter:

• increases oxytocin (bonding hormone)

• lowers cortisol (stress hormone)

• helps the nervous system move from stress → relaxation

This is why laughter isn’t just fun—it’s foundational for intimacy.

How to rebuild connection without pressure for sex

For couples who feel disconnected, one powerful shift is this:

Take sex off the table—temporarily.

Focus instead on nurturing touch, presence, and playfulness. This removes pressure and allows connection to rebuild in a new way.

When you step outside your usual patterns, your body begins to ask, “What else is possible?”  You have opened the door to new sensations, new experiences, and new ways of connecting.  

And that is where intimacy starts to feel exciting again. 

What is the first step to incorporate playfulness?

Find your “yes” together.

Ask your partner, “Are you open to exploring this together?”

That shared “yes” creates the container.

From there, you can:

• set aside intentional time

• take turns suggesting something new

• explore different sensations (warm, cold, soft, textured)

This is where curiosity begins to replace routine.

If you would like some ideas, Trisha and Eros’s company Litup.love has 12 different fun sensation toys in beautiful packaging to help you get started.  https://www.litup.love/  Use code “clare” at check out to get a free fluff puff with your order.  If you sign up for their mailing list you also get 10% off your order.

FAQ's About Playfulness and Intimacy: 

How do you bring playfulness into the bedroom?

Start small. Slow down. Introduce touch without pressure, and focus on curiosity instead of performance. Invite in ways to laugh.

What if sex has never felt playful in my relationship?

Playfulness can be learned. Begin with simple touch, communication, and shared exploration—without expectations.

Do you need a lot of time to improve intimacy?

No. Even five minutes of intentional connection can create meaningful change.

What you can take from this episode:

In this episode, you learned that bringing playfulness into the bedroom isn’t about being more skilled—it’s about being more present, more curious, and more willing to try something different. When you create safety, slow things down, and remove pressure, you create the conditions where connection and desire can naturally return.

Playfulness isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It’s something you allow.

When you slow down, let go of pressure, and give yourselves permission to explore—even imperfectly—you create space for something new to emerge.

Connection softens.
Laughter returns.
And desire begins to come back online.

Not because you forced it…
but because you made space for it.

And that’s where sex worth having begins.

Listen to the Full Episode

Listen to the full episode to discover how playfulness, safety, and curiosity can help you create a more connected, alive, and fulfilling love life.

Resources

Visit Trisha & Eros's Company:

LitUp.love

Follow on IG:

@litup_love

Great Reel on using humor to build connection:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/

Visit Website:
Sex Worth Having

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